I know that everyone has been practically soiling themselves in excitement as the opening weekend of The Hobbit draws near but I’m here to tell you a couple of excellent reasons why it would be in your best interest hold out just a bit longer. I mean really people, it’s just a movie based off one of the greatest stories ever told. It’s just been made by one of the greatest directors of our generation. It just has the wonderful Martin Freeman playing Bilbo Baggins. Meh, I say.

The Line Starts Now

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Today is Thursday which means that people have already begun lining up… yesterday. It’s pretty stinking cold outside too so those happy line campers are probably running low on the happy. Do you know what happens when obsessed fans are tired, cold, hungry, and have been away from their Minecraft Kingdom for too long? Me either, and I think for the safety of everyone it’s best that we don’t find out.

I went to a Saturday morning showing of Breaking Dawn 2 (Don’t judge me!) and there were maybe 15 or so of us standing in line waiting for the door to open and once it did the women in front of me rushed it like a Wal-Mart on Black Friday. They then started cutting in front of each other which sparked a bit of a tussle. Remember when I said there were only 15 of us. I almost got caught in the middle of a cougar fight. It was not pleasant and I can guarantee you it will be an all out Lord of the Rings style epic battle once those doors are open.

Common Courtesy Is Dead

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Remember the days when people were kind, courteous, & well-mannered? I miss those days. Today an outing to the theater requires more patients on the part of those of us who still know how to behave in public than ever. Kids, and I daresay some adults are so rude in the theater. They will talk and make random noises and use their cell phones without any regard for their fellow movie-goers. And don’t bother shushing them unless you’re looking to start a fight.

Going to the opening weekend of a big movie like The Hobbit will not be an enjoyable evening. You will be pushed and shoved, it will be difficult to hear over all the obnoxious kids, and you’ll have to deal with traffic once the movie is over. It’s best just to wait until next weekend or maybe on a Wednesday. That way you will be able to get the full experience that this movie can offer.

So why don’t you all just make a pact not to go see The Hobbit this weekend. Solidarity!!

I’d make the pact with you but it’s just that I really want to see the movie this weekend and this is my desperate attempt to get all of you to stay home so I don’t have to fight you for my seat. So just do me this favor, OK. Stay home! But if you must come I require that you read my Rules of Movie Theater Etiquette.

Will you be going to watch The Hobbit this weekend? I need a head count.

Katie Baker

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Katie was born and raised on the beautiful islands of Hawaii. She thinks all dogs are boys, all cats are girls, and all giraffes are French.

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