So, there’s this problem I have and no matter how aware of this problem I am, I still can’t seem to learn from it. I am always trying to force things to happen. Take this blog post. I have toiled for days trying to figure out what I can write that people will actually want to read.
I’ve tried to force it and still have no idea what to write, so I’ve decided to quit. I’m just going to start writing and see what happens. I have no idea what this post will be about so I guess we’ll find out together.
Forcing life instead of living life.
I can’t, and for your sake won’t, go into how many times I have failed in my life. Lets just say that I am excellent at the “pick yourself up and dust yourself off” thing. I’m probably the most resilient person I know. It takes some strength to do that over and over and over.
When I look back at those many failures I see that they could have all been prevented had I just let go and stopped forcing things to happen. What’s happening is I have this vision of what my life should look like, so I am constantly trying to shoehorn my way into that place. Just when I think I finally have everything lined up, something goes terribly wrong and it all falls apart.
What I fail to remember is that I am human and I make mistakes. Sometimes what sounds like a good idea at the time is actually a really terrible idea. My fear now is that things are finally starting to go my way, and even though I am making a conscious decision everyday to just go with it and not try to force anything, I still feel like at any moment it’s all going to come crashing down.
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
This is the scripture I return to over and over again. It’s a reminder that my life is not my own. That I have someone looking out for me and guiding me through it. I can’t tell you how comforting that is. If there is one thing I know about myself it’s that I make really bad decisions.
I know this is the opposite of what most people would say, but I should not be allowed to control my own life. Generally people want to be in control of their destiny, but not me. I’ve screwed up far too many times, and it’s always been when I was trying to control everything.
I think a lot of the Macedonia Films team has felt this way, which is why we came up with Saturday Shorts. The rules are that we don’t plan any more than we have to, and we just let it flow and see what we get out of it. Above all else we were not allowed to force it, even if that meant we ended up with the worst short film ever.
It turns out that (at least in my opinion) we are pretty stinking good at what we do. Harold and Rose was the first of the shorts and it is fantastic! We had the most fun shooting it, and the best part is it turned out great! It just goes to show that amazing things can happen when you just let go.
So, I don’t know if this post is helpful to anyone or if it’s just me ranting a bit but either way. It wasn’t forced or thought out, and that was the point. Thanks for reading.
Ever feel like just letting go?