So, if you haven’t been living under a rock you would have heard that the Zombie Apocalypse is upon us. It’s all over the news. People’s faces are literally being eaten off! Whether you believe in the Zombie Apocalypse or not (I definitely do not) it’s clear that our world has taken a whole new, twisted, turn for the worst and think it’s best to be prepared.
Listed below will be highlights from some of my favorite zombie movies. I will tell you what I’ve learned from them in the hopes that my knowledge will one day save someone from zombification. Take notes if you have to.
Do your homework
I’m not exactly a fan of the genre but I’ve seen my share of zombie movies. I tend to stay away from horror movies as it is but it seems I have been sub-consciously preparing myself for the zombie apocalypse.
I believe I would have no trouble surviving mainly because of my one greatest asset, Common Sense. I’ve met many people lacking in the common sense department so I don’t hold out much hope for the human race but I’d still like to help.
Malls are a terrific place to hide out
Here’s what I learned from Dawn of the Dead. If you can get to a mall and lock it down before a zombie eats your brain you will have a good shot at survival. I mean, think about it. There is an over abundance of food, bathrooms, clothes, and even weapons. Grab yourself all the necessary supplies and hunker down in the store of your choosing.
I would choose the Sleep Number store because man, those beds are comfortable! Another good choice would be the sporting goods store. They have guns, baseball bats, camping gear, archery sets. You’d be pretty well protected there. The important thing to remember when picking a store is to pick one with those big heavy metal gates that lock to the floor.
Zombies are stupid
Sean of the Dead taught me that Zombies are stupid. They’re actually kind of funny if you think about it. They have to drag their half dead, rotting bodies around. Which if you’ve ever had to do it, you’ll know how much that can slow you down. They’re not very quick nor are they very coordinated. If you can run at a decent pace and find a clever place to hide then you’ll be fine.
It’s been made clear that zombies don’t eat other zombies. Just put on a little makeup. Dirt will do if makeup isn’t readily available. Work on your best zombie moan, walk like you’ve had a lot a bit too much to drink, and try to blend in. As the saying goes, fake it ’til you make it to the mall to hide out from the zombies… or something like that.
Avoid zombie children
Zombieland taught me that children zombies are the worst! Especially little girls. These little princesses are so cute and it will be your natural instinct to want to protect them right up until they begin eating your face.
Nothing will break your heart more than to find out that little Susie has become a zombie. I understand this is tough but you have to run like Forest as far and as fast as you can away from her.
A real life Zombieland
If this is truly what the world is coming to then I suggest you at least watch Zombieland. I learned most of what I know from this movie. Columbus’ list of rules are sure to keep you alive. Follow them strictly.
Do you think you could survive the Zombie Apocalypse?