I love Disney animated films! As a kid I always thought of the Disney Princesses as pure, wholesome, and family friendly, but now that I’m all grow’d up I’m staring to notice some pretty serious flaws.

Quick warning, I’m about to taint some childhood memories here, so if you’d like to hold on to the innocence of youth, I suggest you quit reading now.

Cinderella

She had a pretty rough childhood, what with Disney murdering her mom and then her dad marrying that uggo with hyenas for children. Naturally Cindy would have loneliness issues. I don’t care how lonely you get, talking to mice makes you sound crazy. I’ll let that slide for now because she is not the main problem with this story.

Prince “what’s his name” is the problem! I think it’s Charming, but I’m not sure since Disney didn’t think it was important enough to name the guy. A girl should at least know the name of the guy she fell in love with. Just saying.

Anyhoo, what I learned from this movie is that it’s not about morals, personality, upbringing, compatibility, or even looks in this case. It’s all about the feet!

Wait… What? What kind of freaky foot fetish did Prince Creeper have that he decides to marry a girl based solely on the size of her feet? (Ha! Get it? Solely? I’m so punny.) And what kind of oddly shaped feet did Cinderella have that the slipper didn’t fit any of the other girls in the village?

Moral of the story ladies, if you want to find your prince you better keep up with the pedicures.

Snow White

This girl has issues. I understand, though. If you are a female born into the land of Disney, there’s a good chance they are going to kill off your mother at a pretty young age. This is bound to mess a kid up, but that does not excuse moving into a tiny cottage with 7 creepy dwarfs.

While they all look cute and innocent, you just know that 7 dudes living together with no female contact there is bound to be some twisted things going on in that house. At the very least they have to smell pretty bad.

Obviously Snow didn’t have very high standards of living, or she was just that desperate for attention. She also didn’t have much in the way of common sense. If some haggard old woman showed up at your door just to give you an apple, would you eat it? The correct answer is NO! You would turn her away like you do every other door to door salesman. Seriously! Did no one tell her never to accept treats from strangers?

What I learned from this movie is that it doesn’t matter if you’re a dumb girl living with 7 smelly dudes, if you’re pretty enough, your prince will find you and you’ll live happily ever after.

Beauty and the Beast

This is probably the most disturbing of all the tales. By watching this movie I learned that if you’re beautiful you are expected to marry the most handsome man in town. This isn’t a terrible expectation unless that man is douchebag Gaston.What a tool, right?!

Apparently if you reject this expectation and choose knowledge and family instead, then you are immediately labeled odd and outcast from society.

Maybe Belle was a bit odd, though. While it did take extreme courage and selflessness to sacrifice herself to save her father, she still ended up falling in love with the Manster (man + monster = Manster). That beast just tried to kill her father! Stockholm Syndrome anyone?

I mean, if anyone or anything ever tried to harm my family, you better believe that I would point and laugh as they got eaten by wolves.

Do you think the Disney Princesses were good role models?

Katie Baker

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Katie was born and raised on the beautiful islands of Hawaii. She thinks all dogs are boys, all cats are girls, and all giraffes are French.

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